My mother was a great teacher and she often used scripture to teach me valuable lessons. What she explained sometimes sounded so easy, but I learned that putting those lessons into practice was more difficult. There was a time when we both had to learn new lessons about resting. It was not fun, however it was one of the most valuable lessons I have learned in life.
When I was a young woman, my mom was battling breast cancer. After 6 1/2 years we sat down with her oncologist to discuss her prognosis and had a very painful discussion. As she and I discussed the implications of what he said there were tears. Her treatments were not as effective as they had been before. She was only 51. How could this be? I cannot express all the emotions I had. With my second son on the way, I wanted my children to know my mother. Each day I asked the Lord why. Repeatedly I read in His Word about resting and being still, but I wasn’t interested in these passages. I wanted something that would reassure me she would be healed.
However, God’s prescription for both of us was found in Psalm 46. The Psalm begins with a bold declaration for our lives: "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.” (Psalm 46:1-2) I had read these verses many times before but they struck me differently in light of potentially losing my mom.
The call to spiritual hope, peace, and strength culminates in verse 10: ”Be still, and know that I am God.” Be still? How could I be still? I was angry. I wanted to make the disease go away. I wanted to help my mother be healthy. Instead, I had to choose to become quiet enough to experience the presence of Jesus and the Holy Spirit whispering, “Let go, I have you both in my care.”
I confess this was one of the hardest times in my life. Mom always talked to me about living for eternity and Kingdom values and she continued to do so as she lay in the hospital. One night as I sat with her I asked her if she felt she would be healed. She whispered, “No.” With tears I said, “If you want, I will pray and give you to Jesus.” She faintly smiled in agreement. I talked to Jesus in the still of the night and told Him I wanted my mom to live, but that if this was His time to take her I asked that He would keep her comfortable. It was done. I released her and, as I opened my eyes, tears streamed down her face and she whispered, “Thank you.” We had a few more months together and she saw my second son, Stephen, when he was born. Our relationship was deep and meaningful. We were at peace. We rested in Him. Someday I will see her again and rejoice as we sit at the throne of Christ and enjoy life together forever.
I don’t mean to take away from the fact that God does heal; I have seen Him heal many. But sometimes He chooses not to because He sees things differently than we do. So I share this as testimony that there is a way to find peace during the difficulties of life. Peace does not come from trying to grasp control of the events we face, but trusting that He is in the midst of those events. As we loosen our grip, we experience Him walking with us through life. I pray as you read this blog you will experience rest and peace as you get still before our loving Savior. He is faithful, even though life is hard at times. Through it all He has us in his arms. Letting go and releasing is something we have to do over and over and each time Christ gives us rest.